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| Apply to an Agency |
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| • Help a Childless Couple |
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| • Generous Compensation |
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| • Forge Lifelong Relationships |
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The Process of Becoming a Surrogate Mother
When you become a surrogate mother, it is a personal and private choice that you make; one that you know will be both emotional and rewarding. For the couple seeking a child through surrogacy, there is hope, anticipation, and anxiety.
People come to a surrogate agency because both the surrogate mother and the couple are treated with care, respect, and consideration throughout the entire process, from contract to delivery of a new baby. Though many people have a strong desire to become either a surrogate mother or to become parents by surrogacy, not everyone is accepted into the surrogacy program.
No matter which agency you choose to work with, each couple and prospective surrogate mother must undergo both physical and psychological evaluations to ensure they want to participate in the program for the right reasons. By carefully screening each couple and prospective surrogate mother and advising them of the process the surrogate program takes, the agency ensures the most positive outcome for all parties involved.
The ultimate goal of each couple is to have a happy and healthy baby to bring home at the end of the pregnancy. For each surrogate mother, surrogate agencies want to make sure the experience is filled with positive memories and a sense of satisfaction that they have helped a childless couple become parents.
Both the couple and the surrogate mother have a vital role and responsibility during the surrogacy contract period. The surrogate mother has the task of making sure she remains healthy and takes care of herself to give the baby she is carrying the best possible chances of being healthy at birth. The couple doesn't just sit back and wait nine months for their baby to be born. They must support the surrogate mother through the process as well so that her experience can be the most rewarding it can be. Bringing this child into the world requires a group effort.
We have agencies all over the United States that you can work with, each with their own unique policies. But in general, when you work with a surrogate agency, much of the process will be the same. The main thing that every agency wants is to make sure that your experience is filled with joy and lasting memories.
Getting Started
Step 1: The Application Process
Start by applying to be contacted by an agency in your area.
If you applied online, you will be contacted by a trained staff member or counselors at the agency of your choice. Once you've had the opportunity to ask your questions, you may be assigned a permanent counselor to work with or another person who will help you through the entire process. Upon your initial meeting with the agency you choose, you will have a rigorous screening to make sure you are right for the program. Don't be intimidated by this. Think of you and the people at the agency as a team wanting to reach the same goal.
You may be invited to attend a group support meeting as many agencies have them available for their surrogate mothers and couples. During these support meetings, you may meet other women who want to become surrogate mothers as well as women who are currently in the surrogacy process. They may be trying to get pregnant, have just become pregnant or have just given birth. Most exciting is seeing the reaction of a couple who has just finished the process and are now parents!
Every applicant will also have a background check that will include criminal and driving record.
An attorney or representative for the agency will meet with you to make sure that your insurance policy will cover your medical expenses through your pregnancy. If you don't currently have medical insurance, you may not be able to participate in the program.
You will then have a medical screening by a fertility specialist who is trained in working with surrogate mothers. Most agencies pick up the fees for all screening costs and lab work. You will be asked to start monitoring your menstrual and ovulation cycle.
Step 2: Making the Match
Using the information gathered in the screening process, the agency will help match you with prospective couples and present only the ones that are a good match for you.
You will review the profiles and choose a couple to work with. Your profile is then sent to the prospective couple for review as well so they can make the decision of whether they want to work with you. If they agree, you are then ready for a meeting with the couple. You will not be going through this first meeting alone. Most initial meetings are held with a counselor until the surrogate mother and couple are comfortable with each other. You can then have a private meeting with the couple to further get acquainted.
If after the surrogate mother and couple meet and all parties decide to work together, you will be put in touch with an agency attorney who will draft a contract and send it out to be signed. Once you and the couple sign the contract, the couple will be required to deposit the surrogacy fee into a trust that the agency will hold. This money held in trust includes your surrogacy fee plus any other expenses that are the responsibility of the couple.
Some agencies will also purchase a life-insurance policy in the amount of $200,000 on your behalf to benefit your spouse and your children.
Step 3: Medical Procedures
Depending on which surrogacy program you choose, either artificial insemination or in vitro fertilization, you will have all procedures explained to you by a fertility specialist or a medical coordinator associated with the agency.
Conception is a matter of timing and must be paid attention to carefully. Each step that is expected of you will be explained to you in detail to make sure you understand your role. If you have a question about a procedure, the doctors and specialists that work with the agency and their office staff will be on hand to help answer any questions you have.
Depending on where you live in the country, you will be set up with a fertility specialist in your area that will oversee your medical evaluation and help monitor you through the medical process.
Step 4: Pregnancy and Birth
The day you learn you are pregnant can be one of the most exhilarating days of your life. Once you get confirmation from your doctor that you are pregnant, you have the exciting job of informing the couple. This news can be delivered any way you choose. Some surrogate mothers can't wait and make a phone call immediately. Some surrogate mothers send flowers or some special token with a note bearing the news. The choice is yours.
As soon as you are confirmed to be pregnant you will need to choose an obstetrician approved by your medical insurance to work with throughout your pregnancy. If you already have a working relationship with an obstetrician, you can continue seeing him or her. Transition time varies by agency, but generally you won't begin working with your OB until you are at least eight weeks into the pregnancy and have been released by the fertility specialist.
Many agencies suggest that you have contact with the couple at least once every two weeks during the course of your pregnancy. If the couple lives close enough to the surrogate mother, they can attend doctor's visits and talk directly to the doctor about the progress of the pregnancy. Most couples want to be a part of the surrogate mother's pregnancy and will visit at least one time during the course of the pregnancy. It's not uncommon for the visit to take place during the six-month ultrasound so the couple can hear the baby's heartbeat and view the baby on the ultrasound screen. The amount of contact you have with your couple will depend on how comfortable you are with the couple and vice versa. Your contact at the agency can help give you guidelines if you are unsure of how to keep the relationship with the couple on track.
Everyone knows that babies come on their own clock. Most couples will want to be there when the baby is born and, depending on where they live in the country, will make arrangements to be in town during the last 10 days before the baby is due. As soon as the baby is born, the couple is responsible for all the care associated with the baby. You will not be responsible for changing diapers or giving feedings while in the hospital. However, most surrogate mothers and couples feel such a close bond at this point that they share their time with each other during the surrogate mothers stay in the hospital. If you're married and have children of your own, your husband and children can also share in this wonderful experience.
As soon as the baby is ready to be released from the hospital, the couple, now new parents, will take the baby home. Saying goodbye to the couple and the baby can be very emotional. But when you see the joy on the couple's face, you'll feel a sense of satisfaction and fulfillment so strong that any tears you have will be happy tears. Your relationship with the couple does not need to end as soon as the baby is born. Many surrogate mothers continue to have an ongoing relationship with the couple as the baby grows.
As soon as you have given birth and the couple has taken the baby home, you may want to attend a group support meeting to share your story. Sharing your experience of this selfless act with other women who are either going through the same experience or who have already delivered a baby for a couple can be one of the highlights of the entire surrogacy experience. Through this process, you can be a source of inspiration and support to other surrogate mothers and make friends that can last a lifetime.
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